Table Manners

 Okay everyone, ready for the rules? I hate that I have to make this page, but in the interest of clarity and expectations, I know it's important to communicate explicitly what is and is not appropriate in this forum, especially since this serial will contain some very controversial political themes or triggering emotional situations. This is a civilized venue and I expect everyone who sits at my table to treat the others with respect and dignity - we are all human. We can disagree, you can criticize, but we are civilized people. If you cannot handle the grown up table, you will be removed from it. 

1. First up, the first amendment! While I am vehemently against censorship and am a strong supporter of the first amendment, there will be circumstances where offending comments will be deleted and users banned. I do not view this as an infringement of first amendment rights - instead, view it like this: Your ex-girlfriend is getting married, and through some mutual friends you're able to attend. At the reception, when everyone is having a good time, you decide to make some off-color joke to her new husband or a loud, derogatory comment about your ex. There is some reaction, maybe you've created something of a scene but maybe it passed by unacknowledged. You've been asked to leave the venue and, well, when security says it's time to go, then it's time to go. It's unfortunately caught on film by the wedding photographer, who was paid a lot of money to create a beautiful video of the reception. As the professional is editing this video, they decide to omit the embarrassing incident for the client. Have they infringed on your rights? No. You still said it, you still had your fun, you still got your reaction (or not). Choosing not to commemorate your rudeness does not erase the incident from history. In a less extreme example, say you're at Thanksgiving Dinner with your family. For whatever reason (justified or not) you jump up, scream obscenities, and run out the door. When your family retells various stories of that evening, they do not bring up your outburst simply because it was unpleasant and no one particularly wants to remember or share it. Does that infringe on your rights? No. You still had the outburst, whether or not your family chooses to acknowledge your behavior. It still happened. The same is true for this forum and deleting posts that, for a lack of a better phrase, 'break the rules'. The instigators will be removed from the venue, the offending comment and thread will be deleted, without exception. You will have to accept that whether the post is there or not, you still said it, and therefore your rights are intact. Maybe you got a reaction. Maybe you were ignored. You were still obviously able to say it. Your ability to say it does not negate my ability to delete it, and remove you from the venue. I am security here, and not only will I not enable disrespect or incivility in this venue, I absolutely will not tolerate it. You'll find that I don't ask for much, so I expect that everyone who comes to the table can remember their table manners.

2. Haters can hate, but do it somewhere else. While I welcome the discussion of themes like sexism and misogyny, racism, classism, genocide, religion, rape, politics, and much more (after all, the novel itself discusses these themes in droves and discussion is encouraged), this is not an appropriate forum to vent your hatred or shout and defend your own prejudiced beliefs nor someone else's beliefs regardless of how abhorrent you find it to be. There is a way to disagree and to express dissenting viewpoints without being a huge jerk about it. If you do not know how to express your thoughts in a way that is appropriate for civil discussion, you can either walk away from the table until you've figured it out or you can email us with your dilemma and possibly help you in expressing your feelings in a more mature and constructive way. 

3. Conversion is condescending. If your conversation partner happens to change their view through the course of natural and civil discussion, then all is fine and well - changing your mind is okay! The difference is when one enters into a discussion with the sole intent of forcing, intimidating, or insulting someone into agreeing with them - that behavior will not be tolerated. You should be here to converse, not convince. 

4. Profanity is fun, but in metered doses. I'll be honest-I love to swear. It's fun, it feels good, it adds just the right about flavor to the phrase. That being said, let's keep it modest. If you feel you need to use profanity every few words, then perhaps what you need instead is a more diverse vocabulary. Feel free to email us for tips on rephrasing your thoughts in a way that is appropriate for the table.

5. Be helpful, not hurtful! Criticism is welcome, but make it constructive. If you'd like to share criticism or things you think could be improved, we would absolutely love to hear your thoughts and feelings. We also need to hear your ideas on how we can improve or fix the problem. We've all heard the phrase "if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem" and to a point I do agree with this adage. Please bring the problem to our attention, but bring with it a solution or at least a direction toward the solution. If you saw someone wandering around looking for State Street, and all you said was "Well, you're lost," and walk away, what good did that do? Just one step further, "You're lost, State Street is across town, somewhere in that direction," is so much more helpful. Maybe you didn't have the answer, but you had a general idea that would help.

6. When in doubt, reach out. I want this venue to be safe, fun, and informative for anyone who participates. If you're not sure if something is appropriate, if you see something that you're know isn't appropriate, if you're not sure what something means, whatever the reason- our inbox is open to your questions and suggestions. 

7. Don't dox! This applies to anyone participating in this venue as well as myself and Selenia. Privacy is an important aspect of respect, and everyone's privacy deserves to be respected. Selenia and I have chosen to publish under pseudonyms in order to keep our private lives private, and we hope that is respected. As for participants in the venue, their right to privacy will be shielded as seriously as though it is our own information. Doxxing will result in permanent banning without exception, question, or consideration.